The Loneliness of Individualism: Why I Chose Society

There’s was a course I took in university, called "Individuality and Society" that has stuck with me for years. It wasn’t because it introduced me to a brand new idea, but because it gave me the language for something I had always felt in my bones. The professor asked for our viewpoint on this never ending tug-of-war, and for the first time, I had to officially choose a side.

The idea of being a loyal individualist was intoxicating: be your own person, make your own path, not burdened by the weight of everybody else's expectation. You work on yourself, by yourself, and reap the rewards. On paper, it’s the ultimate freedom.

But my viewpoint was this: That freedom can be a lonely tower.

Yes, when you prioritize extreme individuality, you stand alone. You are your own person with your own ideas. But in the long run, that very independence can become your greatest vulnerability. When the storms of life hit - when you lose a job, face a crisis, or simply need a hand - you may find you haven't cultivated the deep, reciprocal relationships with a community to be offered support. You stand alone, but you can also fall alone, with no one to help you back up.

We live in a world where we have to deal with each other. A society, with all its messiness and conflicting personalities, has your back in the end.

This isn't just theoretical. We can see it in the world's contrasting "rites of passage ".

The Safety Net vs. The Springboard

In many Western societies, 18 is the magic number. You’re expected to move out, get a job, and figure it all out. We frame this as a launch into independence. But let’s be honest: for a teenager fresh out of high school, juggling university, the shock of bills, and the weight of a "cold world", this isn't a launch - it's a trial by fire. It sets many up for a struggle, where any unforeseen event can become a catastrophe because the safety net is thin and often based on chance, not duty.

Now, contrast this with the approach common across Africa, Asia, and the Middle East - the culture I know from Eritrea. At 18, you are told to focus on your studies. You live under your parents' roof. Responsibilities are given gradually. You graduate, get a job, and often, the only time you "move out" is for marriage or an opportunity abroad. This isn't a lack of independence; it's a slow, supported transition. It sets a young adult up with a much higher probability of stability.

The Social Duty of Care

The difference becomes clear in times of need.

In the West, if a family faces a tragedy, help may come from the kindness of people's hearts. It's appreciated, but it's not an expected social duty.

In Eritrea, and in many community - centered cultures, it is almost like a duty. When there’s a wedding, the whole community contributes - with funds, with labor, with food etc. In times of mourning, people grieve together and supports the bereaved, making sure they are not alone in their grief. If a child loses their parents, the society steps up to provide support. It’s both a moral obligation and an act of love.

This mentality extends to everyday life. If someone sees a child misbehaving in the street, (even a strange)r, they will correct and discipline them. The thinking is, "This is our child, the society's child, the future of tomorrow." The well-being of the individual is seen as inseparable from the well-being of the whole.

The Trade-Off: Prosperity vs. Protection

Let's be fair. Individuality has a clear and a strong advantage: Financial Acceleration. When you only have to focus on yourself, your nuclear family, and your own goals, you can accumulate wealth faster. You aren't pulling the weight of an extended family or community. This is a key reason why individualistic societies often see quick economic growth and innovation.

Community centered societies, with their "No one left behind" ethos - "If I am eating, I will give you half of my bread" - can struggle with this. The wealth is distributed, the progress is slower. The burden of the collective can indeed hold back the pace of development.

My Choice

So, in my paper, I had to choose. The path of individual prosperity or the path of collective resilience ?

I chose Society. I chose it not because it is easier, but because it is more human.

We are not islands. A life spent solely on self-optimization, while financially rewarding, can be spiritually and emotionally unfruitful. The "weight of the world" that a community represents is also its greatest gift. It’s the knowledge that you belong to something bigger than yourself. That you will be cared for, and you will care for others in return. That if you fall, a dozen hands will reach out to pick you up.

Individuality promises that you can stand strong on your own. But society makes sure that you never have to. In this complicated world, I’ll take the messy, beautiful, and supportive community centered society, every time.

What's your experience? Do you lean more towards individuality or Society, and why?

Love Always,

Sarina

xx